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Care Giving & Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving, What Wonderful Memories
Seasonal Survival Tips
Care Giving & Thanksgiving
by Rona S. Bartelstone, LCSW, BCD, CMC, C-ASWCM
As we enter the start of this hectic holiday season, it may be challenging to look forward with joy and gratitude, when things are so tough in the world. Compound this by the fact of giving care for a chronically ill family member, and the holiday season may seem daunting. How do we give thanks and enjoy the miraculous themes of the holidays when life is so complicated?
Maybe it is because things are so tough in the world right now that we need to figure out how not to be too tough on those we love and ourselves. Maybe it’s time to actually say that life is tough enough and we are going to do what we can to make things easier for one another and ourselves.
I am not talking about shirking responsibility. I am just talking about making the decision not to put additional unnecessary pressure on ourselves. If things are not perfect, we will survive. We might even have a little more fun if we stop worrying about perfection. We might also have more fun if we share the workload with others. Of course if we do this, we have to accept what others do without criticism – so don’t try this if you can’t be quiet and still!
And maybe giving thanks is exactly what the doctor ordered. Gratitude can be a powerful emotion. It can lift our spirits. It can remind us what is still good, even when some things go bad. It can help us to appreciate the people and things around us. It can reconnect us with others that share our lives. Most of all, it can help us to change our attitude from negative to positive.
The open expression of gratitude can be a powerful act. When we do actually express the positive feelings that we have for accomplishments, people, events, career, home, and even country it helps us to keep in perspective what our lives are really like in comparison to what they could be like. It helps us to understand at a deeper level how fortunate we are…sometimes even in the midst of crises and tragedies. Gratitude can help to mitigate the horror wrought by the challenges in our lives.
So, my prayer for this holiday season is that we can find true gratitude in the challenges that make us stronger, in the crises that make us bolder, in the transitions that bring us to wisdom, in the maturity that teaches us acceptance, and in the darkness that brings us to truly understand the light and love. We wish you all a loving and joyous holiday season…especially in the midst of tough times!
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Thanksgiving, What Wonderful Memories
by Sandra Goldberg, RN
Thanksgiving is a time for family and friends. The holiday time is a warm and friendly feeling. The smell of the turkey and all the trimmings and the decorative table setting all are picture perfect. Through the years, things have changed especially the family dynamics. Some of our relatives live all over this beautiful country. This Thanksgiving will be different in many homes due to the financial stress we are all experiencing across the country. Thanksgiving is a time to say thanks for many reasons and to give us hope for the future.
When our elders are visiting us at this time, they may feel different too. They have seen many Thanksgiving dinners or they may have made their own dinners for friends and family in the past but now they may be unable to participate in the preparations. They probably feel the loss of participation. The children sometimes are experiencing the festivities for the first time. We have many generations at our table and it is important to speak about past and present experiences and what we remember at this special time. The elder may have some medical deficits, such as memory loss, and may need some additional help.
That brings ideas that may be helpful with our elder who may have a memory loss, especially if the host and hostess have a parent or relative who they are caring for, living with them or very nearby. It is very difficult to deal with all the details of Thanksgiving and being the caregiver at the same time. It is very stressful under normal circumstances.
Here are a few pointers that may take the stress off being the caregiver, this day.
- Ask for help either for the preparations or for the serving of the meal and for someone who knows the elder very well to keep them occupied and safe while you are busy for the day.
- Try to keep the amount of people you invite for dinner limited. Too many people may be overwhelming and cause agitation.
- Always have a “What if?” bag that
contains extra clothes, depends, wipes,
some word games, soothing music on
a CD or iPod for an emergency.
- Try not to be a pleaser all the time,
ask for help!
- Always have a camera handy to
capture those “Kodak moments”
you can treasure forever..
Have fun, enjoy your friends and family
and remember why you are all together
for this wonderful feast. Reminisce with
each other. Through the years we change
and so does everyone else. We need to
go with the flow. We need to say thanks
all the time but especially this day. Our
elder may not be able to say thank you
but you will see it in their face and the
love will radiate through the home and
the company. We wish all of you a
very happy Thanksgiving and Seasons
Greetings. Let’s remember our troops
and the others who serve and protect
us. Let’s all hope they will be safely
home soon to join us.
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Seasonal Survival Tips
by Rona S. Bartelstone, LCSW, BCD, CMC, C-ASWCM
- Say and mean: “Thank you.” “I love you.” “I am happy to spend time with you.” “It is good to see you.” “Let’s do this together.” “I appreciate…”
- Do something creative.
Write, sing, twirl around, do
a little dance, learn origami or
belly dancing! Being a little
outrageous can free us from
what we always think of as the
“shoulds” and the “have tos”.
It can reduce the stress that
we hold inside.
- Set boundaries. Don’t take
on the problems of the world.
Sometimes, it’s ok to say “no”.
Sometimes it’s ok to take a
break from the news. Sometimes,
it’s ok to let someone
else do the heavy lifting.
- Create community. Whatever
you choose to do for fun, don’t
do it alone. Involve others.
Whether it is holiday cooking,
shopping, planning, going to a
movie, out to dinner, or staying
home for a night with family
and friends.
- Express your negative feelings.
Write them out. Speak to a
clergy person, a best friend, a therapist or someone you can
really trust. Negative feelings can
be damaging to your health. Get
them out of your system!
- Live within your means.
Especially in these uncertain
economic times, it is important
to make sure that you don’t have
regrets when all the bills come in
for payment in January. Everyone
knows the situation, so if parties
and gifts are more modest this
year, people will understand.
- Get organized. As a person who
is not the most organized, this is
difficult to suggest. But it really
is true that if you make lists of
things to do, they are more likely
to get done. If you put things
away, you will be able to find
them. If you write down what you
need, you are more likely to buy
them. This will at least get you
through the next six weeks, even
if you can’t be disciplined enough
to continue for the whole year.
- Eat and drink mindfully.
Remember that treating ourselves
well does not have to mean either
deprivation or “pigging out.”
You can enjoy and still be
moderate. And when you have
overindulged, recognize it and
get back to the plan.
- Take a break from the bad news.
Put down that paper and turn off
the TV news stations! The world
will go on even if we don’t follow
every grim detail of every grim
crime. I promise it will be there
tomorrow. Give yourself a break!
- Don’t worry about being perfect.
This year I vow not to worry about
everything being just right. My
goal is to be with loved ones and
enjoy them because that is what
we will all remember (not how the
table was set), and that is what
I hold dear.
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