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The Holiday Paradox
Mr. Smith Goes to a Party: Holiday Blues or Holiday Cheer
Tips for Families
The Holiday Paradox
by Rona S. Bartelstone, LCSW, BCD, CMC, C-ASWCM
Holidays can be both blessings and challenges. We love the celebrations, the special time with family and friends, the reminder to be grateful for all that we have and all that is good in our lives.
On the other hand, holidays can be a challenge. They remind us of our losses, and changes in our loved ones (and ourselves) that bring home the passage of time. In uncertain economic times, we wonder with concern about the future. If we are alone, it is hard to keep up with the expectations of joy and celebration.
So, it is at this time of the year, when endings are also beginnings. A time when joy and sorrow are different sides of the same celebration, I am reminded of some of the lessons that I have learned from my clients. Here are some of the things that clients have taught me:
- When you remember those you have lost, remember the good times. This makes the loss easier to bear and puts a smile on your face.
- Keep involved with those you love, even if it is just to say “hello,” share a recipe or memory, send a picture or a joke. You will be surprised at the memories that old pictures unleash!
- Remember to say, “Please, thank you and I love you.”
- Don’t try and run the lives of others. One life at a time is usually a challenge enough.
- Smile when you can, cry when you need to. Tears wash the soul and cleanse the eyes!
- Stay involved in your own life, even to the point of knowing when it is time to let go.
- Accept all invitations, especially when you don’t feel like going, it will raise your spirits to participate.
- Only hang around with people you like - the ones you don’t will only bring you down.
- Enjoy your vices.
- Do something for someone else; it will make you feel good about yourself.
- Plant a tree. Future generations will benefit from it.
One of the things that is so interesting about these lessons is that the research about how our minds work are reaffirming them. Dr. Gene Cohen in his book, “The Mature Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain” talks about how the mature brain is better able to cope with crises, responds more to positive events and has the ability to continue to learn in more creative ways than in the past. Daniel Pink in his book, “A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers will Rule the Future,” discusses how the creative parts of our brain help us to better integrate life lessons as we get older. This is one of the reasons that so many people write their memoirs in later life. They are synthesizing the learning of a lifetime. It is the integration of the mechanical and logical talents with the more creative and insightful ones that sometimes take years to emerge. Creative thinking will be a hallmark need of our future economy!
So take heart that the end of the year also brings possibilities for new beginnings at the start of the year. While our minds may not remember the details that we once did, we certainly get the big picture in a much clearer vision. Much like outdated TV sets, we are going into High Definition in the coming year!
So, enjoy the paradox of endings and beginnings. There is room for both joy and sorrow, celebration and remembrance.
We wish you and yours, all that you hope for in the holiday season and the New Year.
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Mr. Smith Goes to a Party: Holiday Blues or Holiday Cheer
by Barbara Harris, MSW
Holidays may be a happy time for many people, but for the elderly and their caregivers, the challenges they face may overshadow the joy of the season. As the holidays approach, the elderly may begin to feel progressively disappointed, stressed and sad. It is not the actual holiday that causes depression, but the fact that holidays tend to bring memories of earlier, perhaps happier, times.
For example, Mr. Smith is an 85 year old man who is very frail and has dementia. A home health aide is with him 24-hours each day since he now requires total care. He has no family other than one brother who lives over 400 miles away and visits infrequently. Still, he is very aware the holidays are approaching. He likes to go shopping or out to eat frequently, and loves to socialize. His aide took him to her house for a family Thanksgiving dinner that he thoroughly enjoyed. Every year she also takes him to a holiday party given by his doctor.
This year, he helped to provide the entertainment by using the aide’s camera to take pictures of all the partygoers. Last year his Care Manager brought him a small Christmas tree with lights, and his aide made sure there were some small presents under the tree. These little things seemed to make him happy and ease his depression. It’s the little things that can make a difference in someone’s life.
Depression in the elderly can be caused by many factors, including isolation from family and friends, declining health, new physical limitations, loss of loved ones and, more than anything, loss of independence. All of these factors are magnified during the holidays when the feeling of isolation can become greater.
Many of our clients live far away from their families and may not be able to be with them during this time. Preventing depression in the elderly during the holiday season may be as simple as making sure that they feel needed and included in activities. Our Care Managers and home health aides strive to alleviate some of the isolation associated with the holidays. Mr. Smith is once again able to enjoy the holiday season with his new friends – his caregivers!
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Tips for Families
by Rona S. Bartelstone, LCSW, BCD, CMC, C-ASWCM
- Spend time with people who care about you and your well-being. A support system is a key element in coping with the holiday blues.
- Accept and express your feelings. Talk to someone about it if you’re feeling blue. It may help you understand why you're feeling down.
- Help someone else; It’s hard to feel down while you are busy helping someone else.
- Relax. Take time out of your hectic holiday schedule to pamper yourself.
- Plan and prioritize. Don’t plan more than you can accomplish comfortably.
- Set realistic expectations. Holidays can be difficult for people, especially when reality doesn’t measure up to their expectations.
- Budget. Know your spending limit and stick to it.
- Be healthful. The Mayo Clinic reminds you not to abandon healthy habits and eat and drink more than usual just because it’s the holiday season. Get plenty of sleep and schedule time for exercise.
- Start new traditions. Create for yourself what you didn’t have in the past.
- Celebrate the present, and accept that change is a normal part of life.
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